Does your COLLEGE DEGREE mean anything?

Whenever I read the “About Me” page on a blog, I always smile when I notice the energy of the author jumping off the screen, passionate about life and his or her interests and goals.  I want to catch the “bug” and I subscribe to their posts, eager to absorb their positivity.

But recently, I stumbled upon a blog whose author mentioned having a degree in theology, but feeling it was a pointless degree because she did not want to be a pastor.  This made me sad, wondering if perhaps she was experiencing something in life that devalued her achievements or if she was never guided to defend and boast of the skills she acquired in earning her degree.

Then I remembered a man I met on a flight to Atlanta a few years ago.  He told me that he earned his master’s degree in puppetry arts.  I was intrigued by such a narrow choice of expertise.  After talking to him throughout the flight, I learned that his love for puppeteering encouraged him to be the best puppeteer he could be, earning the highest level of education attainable.  Did others laugh at him and judge him? Undoubtedly.  However, he felt no shame in pursuing a lifelong goal and dream.

These experiences inspired me to think of all the hard-working undergraduate students, disheartened graduates, and fearful stay-at-home and work-at-home moms and dads who want to go to college.  When you are in college, you reach a point where most of your peers are on the same track as you, hoping to graduate with the same degree.  You are among “your own,” bright-eyed and bushy-tailed hopefuls who see light at the end of the tunnel.  But seldom do we prepare for the superficial and harsh preconceived notions about degrees that do not fall under the umbrella of “finance,” “business,” “accounting,” or any other “pragmatic” field.  Opinions are thrown at us from ignorant, however innocent people: “What are you going to do with a History degree?  Teach?” “Why do you need a master’s degree to become a librarian?  I thought they only shelved the books.  Aren’t libraries going to disappear soon because of the Internet?”

So to those college students who suddenly feel choked up about picking “the wrong major;” to graduates who have celebrated but now feel panicked in the “Now what do I do?” post-graduate-six-month period; and to the terrified stay-at-home and work-at-home moms and dads who want to go back to college or want to go to college for the first time but don’t know where to start, I say:

DO WHAT YOU LOVE.  The amount of pressure placed on college students to decide on their major is excruciatingly burdensome.  This weight comes from the dreaded “interrogation” at family reunions, over holidays, and on first dates.  Others define us by the path we take in college, sometimes forgetting that many people switch jobs, explore new careers, or choose to stay home after having children.  Therefore, it is better to find a major that interests you. For most people, spending 4-6 years in classes that you loathe is impossible. I started my college career in Hospitality, believing that one day, I would be happy working as a Hotel Manager at the Bellagio in Las Vegas.  After a few classes, I realized that I hated it.  Instead, I was drawn to my English and History classes.  I never wanted to miss one.  I wrote detailed notes, studied diligently, and sought relationships with my professors.  I learned that in life, I wanted my actions to define me: my kindness, my hard work, my positive attitude, and interest in learning and discovering.  So why would I make an exception with my degree?  I found it contradictory to live my life passionately, yet pursue a degree that bored me to tears.  I would do lots of things in life that I did not want to do: pay taxes, scrub the toilet, endure labor contractions, and stand in line at the DMV.  I did not want my college experience to be one of those things.

DON’T LET THE PRICE TAG SCARE YOU. I have met a lot of tenth-year college students who never graduated because college was “too expensive.”  I quickly learned that this was code for “I did not plan ahead,” “I missed the financial aid deadline,” “I was too lazy to apply for scholarships,” or “I would rather spend my waitressing money on going to Las Vegas this summer than on the Fall semester.”  These people dress up their excuses in a bane for student loans.  While I understand this need for freedom from debt, I also understand the shackles of minimum wage.  I think about disciplined students who save every penny and take one class at a time in order to accomplish their goals.  I think about the opportunities for loan forgiveness, like Teacher Loan Forgiveness, Public Service Loan Forgiveness, and Obama Student Loan Forgiveness.  People will take out auto loans on ever-depreciating vehicles and mortgages for homes they can hardly afford, but refuse to invest in their education because of its high ticket.  At some point, the bill comes to the table, and you either have the bills or the pennies.

YOU ACQUIRE MORE SKILLS THAN YOU MIGHT REALIZE. I smile when I speak with others about having a History Degree and a Master’s Degree in Library Science because it baffles them.  Why would I invest so much time, energy, and money into disciplines that are not booming with jobs?  I get a thrill from defending my choices because degrees of these natures required lots of critical thinking skills.  During my six years in college, I honed my professional writing, public speaking, and oral presentation skills.  I gained experience collaborating with others, both in person and online.  I assumed leadership positions in these groups as well as in extra-curricular activities and clubs.  By earning a degree, I proved that I could turn in assignments in a timely manner, complete tasks expected of me, think creatively, find balance between professional and social life, be organized, and be self-disciplined for several years.  At minimum, these are the skills acquired by college students. I failed to mention acquired grant writing skills (when applying for scholarships and financial aid), technological skills (using a computer and its various programs to type papers, create slideshow presentations, format spreadsheets, and use social media), understanding target audiences (professors, students, parents, friends, and other people I needed to please throughout college), and countless other skills.  The list goes on and on IF AND ONLY IF you feel confident to defend yourself.  If you believe that these skills were among many valuable treasures you took from your college experience, you can sell a puppetry arts degree to a potential employer and ice to an eskimo.  Attitude and perspective is CRUCIAL.

DON’T BE DISCOURAGED BY THE 4-YEAR GRADUATE. This past June, my brother graduated with his Bachelor’s Degree in Business Entrepreneurship.  He has been in and out of college since 2004.  Pride and joy filled my heart on his graduation day because he never gave up. “Taking a semester off” never meant quitting. Similarly, my college classmate earned his Bachelor’s Degree in 1986 and went back to school in 2012 to earn his Master’s Degree in Public Administration.  As the Director of Public Transportation at our university, he knew that other commitments to his family, his job, and his Church justified taking one class at a time.  These people amaze me because they model the tortoise in the “Tortoise and the Hare” fable.  Slow and steady DOES win the race if you don’t stop.

FIND MENTORS. I met many amazing, inspiring people in college who enriched my experience, either challenging me to be better or encouraging me to keep going.  Some people helped me avoid certain mistakes or find golden opportunities.  Never be afraid to ask for help or ask for advice.  I will never forget the day I asked a girl in my history class where I could find the bathroom, which quickly led to a conversation about Library and Information Science, changing my life forever.

I would be happy to offer more guidance and tips!  Leave a comment or send me an email (email found on my Work with Me page).  At very least, I hope I have encouraged you to remember that your degree, your goals, your ambition, and your ideas have worth.  They mean something.

To my son, From your Working Mom

I read a post by Melissa Mowry that inspired me to think about how I would want my mother to feel about being a working Mom when I was growing up, especially now that I am one.  This post is one of two letters I want to share.  This first one is my love letter to my son, Liam:

To my sun and my moon, my Liam Morgan:

As you lie in my arms, with no intention of being anywhere else, I want time to stand still. I watch your eyes flutter and your toes wiggle and I think about these beautiful moments I have on my Saturday mornings off with you. I dream about our lives and all the moments I wouldn’t miss for the world: your first steps, your countless bath splashes, your pointing discoveries and your charitable belly laughs. But when I am at work, I wonder what I’m missing at home, and I have to shake myself from a panic. I cry to think about all of the things that make you smile and wonder and learn and grow. I won’t be there to see it all. I try to avoid thinking about the moment you wake up and realize I am not there, and you are confused and sad. I rush along, worried about your ever-increasing impatience as you grow weary and cranky, unsure when I’ll be home. And for a brief moment, I secretly wish I was a housewife in the 1950s, where I can use society’s expectations as my excuse to stay home and kiss you and hug you and read to you all day until I feel like I am going insane.

But we do not live in that world, little one.  We live in a lovely world where Papa stays at home with you while I am at work.  And as happy as this makes me, I want to tell you that I’m sorry for not being a stay-at-home Mom.  I know you don’t understand it yet (there’s a lot I still don’t understand, either).  I would love to wake up with you, have our breakfast, watch Winnie the Pooh and the Busy Day from 1972, make crafts out of flour and food coloring, and take several naps until Papa gets home.  I would love to chase you around the park at nine in the morning and take you for storytime at the library with other tots at eleven.  I wish I wasn’t so tired when I get home from work, ready to take a nap while you’re bubbling with energy, excited to see me and play with me.

But I promise you, my darling, that I will always rush home when you have a fever and need me to cuddle you until you fall asleep.  I promise that I will always be home to make you a yummy dinner, give you a bath, read you a bedtime story, and tell you I LOVE YOU.  I promise that I will always be there to drop off a lunch at your school when you have forgotten it.  I promise that I will always check your homework and encourage you to work hard.  I promise I will always be there to shop for school supplies and new clothes.  I promise that I will always know your teachers’ names and be a presence they will recognize.  I promise that I will always find days to call in sick at work and whisk you away from school to take you on a Mother-Son-Ditch-Date.  I promise that I will attend every school play where you have one line that you kind of forget. I promise that I will attend every spelling bee, basketball game, and open house to smile at you and laugh with you and show you that I’m proud.

I am grateful for these moments, my sweet, and I am grateful that we have your loving Papa who builds a bond with you while I am not there.  I am grateful that he knows how to rub your tummy when you’re whining in your sleep, soothing you until you find peace.  I am grateful that he plays video games with you and includes you in his web browsing like you’re one of the guys. I am grateful that he rocks you and dances with you to Lennon and McCartney.  I am grateful that he makes you smile by sneaking you poptarts and ice cream until I get home.  I am grateful that he takes you on walks around the block until you are both pooped.

And when I think of moments like this, I am no longer sad, and I know that this is how God intended our lives to be for this season, for right now.  I pray and I try to love and enjoy every moment until the next season comes.  I love you, my sweet Liam.

Forever yours,

Crazy Mother

Kind and Simple Parenting: Why I Honor the Stay-At-Home Father

One of my favorite television shows is The Wonder Years.   I have always been obsessed with America in the 1960s and the emphasis on the “American Dream,” achieved by having a nuclear family and a lawn.  But this series especially fascinates me because it shows transformation, namely in gender roles.  Norma Arnold, the matriarch, ambitiously seeks a career outside of conventional domesticity, first in a clerical position and then later as a college student.

However, it isn’t only in American culture that women raise the children and tend to the home.  For centuries, in nearly every other nation, women hold this role while men “go out into the workforce.”  But thanks to Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Betty Friedan, Malala Yousafzai, and other feminists, it is more commonly and socially accepted that women have careers, advanced degrees, and do not necessarily prioritize the perfectly baked cake or “June Cleaver” lifestyle.

Unfortunately, little attention is paid to the other side of the coin.  In ten words or fewer, I blatantly address the issue: WHAT ABOUT STAY-AT-HOME DADS?!

I speak from experience.  I feel very fortunate that my boyfriend and I raise our son in an environment that enables him to stay at home while I work as a librarian in an elementary school.  There are several reasons we made this conscious choice.  First, although we have abundant support through multiple grandparents (especially my retired mother and father), we both agreed that one person should stay home and one person should earn the income.  Because I have an advanced degree, it seemed more logical that I would serve the latter.  We would simply live within our means and make several sacrifices, such as living on our own (we currently live gratefully with my parents… which is not the easiest, but makes the most sense right now).  Furthermore, I strongly felt confident in Shane’s ability to bond with our son and care for him better than any other person could.  Not all fathers are fortunate enough to have this opportunity and some fathers would even prefer to be “the breadwinner.”  I knew that the relationship Shane and Liam would cultivate would be unmatched and would create a solid, unbreakable foundation.

Of course, this arrangement comes with drawbacks.  It isn’t easy living on one income!  We have to be creative and we have to communicate our needs versus our wants, our stresses, our dreams, and our plans.  However, it has made our relationship stronger and it has forced us to trust each other with money matters and to think of our family as a team and a ship.  In addition, not everyone views our parenting style as admirable or “right.”  In fact, many people, some of whom are very close to us, are confused and judge our reasoning.

At the end of the day, I am here to say that I WHOLEHEARTEDLY APPLAUD AND SUPPORT STAY-AT-HOME DADS.  I am so proud of Shane and I could not imagine having any other person as the father of my child.  When the negative gets me down, one laugh and smile between father and son completely obliterates my doubts.  I cringe and take umbrage at those who glorify stay-at-home moms, but peg stay-at-home dads as “lazy.”  I look up to stay-at-home dads who cannot comfort young children with breastfeeding or sweet lullabies.  I respect families who choose not to believe that two incomes means a higher quality of life.  I thank families like mine who serve as my “village,” raising my son—i.e., living doubled-up with us under the same roof, sharing living expenses in order for us to make this work.

Therefore, I am inspired to normalize this parenting style.  I am working on a book and hope someone will find light in my ideas and writing.  Cheers.