The Power of Making Mistakes

Maybe I’m one of the lucky ones, since I have never lived with a regret.  This is not to say that I haven’t made a mistake in my life, because I have made PLENTY.  Maybe I’m naive or maybe I have cushions in my life that have buffered my fall from being as bad as it could be.  But my six years in college were some of the most life-changing experiences where I fell in and out of structure, lost my vision, captured a new vision, and did this over and over again about ten million times.

Before I started college, I was honored with a generous scholarship to the University of San Francisco.  I wanted to get away from Los Angeles and start an exciting new life, just like in the movies and on TV.  I imagined having a cool roommate, riveting classes, handsome professors, a dorm-floor sisterhood, and a six-figure income at the end of my four years with a wedding to plan.  I know, fantasy land.  I was shocked to learn that college wasn’t as glamorous as I expected it to be.  I didn’t have a wealth of new friends.  There were no big games to attend.  I barely spoke to anyone in my classes.  I loved my roommate, but she left the school after the first semester.  I found myself turned off by the standard social outings, spending my weekends working or studying instead.  So I left.  Was it a mistake?  It could have been.

I moved back home and attended the local city college, where I also got a job at a restaurant.  I quickly made friends, which led to a lot of drinking and underage trips to Las Vegas.  I was in over my head and ONE MISTAKE got me fired… I stole chicken noodle soup.  Sounds silly, and definitely sounds like a mistake, but it fueled my adventurous side.

One of my best friends and I immediately hopped in my car and drove to Philadelphia on a wild, cross-country road trip to an open interview in hopes of becoming FLIGHT ATTENDANTS.  We were hired on the spot, probably because of our age, ambition, and doe-eyed stupidity.  I figured, hey, everyone has wild detours during college.  I will probably feel the urgency to get a “real job” once I graduate, so I should just enjoy these sabbaticals now.  Travel the world.  Be single.  Have fun and “live life” before kids and 401(k)s. 

We trained in Norfolk, Virginia and were based in Raleigh, North Carolina, which quickly stole my heart.  But I became restless AGAIN.  I remember sitting at a bookstore on my day off, missing school.  I reflected on my sparse paycheck from a few days prior, feeling anxious: What if I decide that I don’t want to do this anymore, but I’m thirty and I never finished my college degree?  What if I never meet anyone? I prayed for a sign.  When I visited home a few months later, I saw an acceptance letter to Cal Poly Pomona for the upcoming quarter.  So I quit the airline industry.

I moved back home AGAIN and started a new school with a new perspective: I’m going to attend school, take classes I enjoy, savor every second, and focus on BEING A STUDENT.  For the first time in three years, I didn’t work.  Once the quarter came to an end, I casually browsed job openings and found that a furniture store six miles from my house was hiring.  How hard could that be? It’s Wednesday.  Should I take a nap, or should I walk in to the store and see what it’s about? I walked in and was hired two days later.  My manager became my mother-in-law and my husband and I have been together for the past 4 years, a roller coaster ride of love and battling an addiction.  I completed my Bachelor’s Degree in History and two years later, my Master’s Degree in Library and Information Science.  Within the same week that I earned my Master’s Degree, I gave birth to my son, Liam!

You might have read this and thought I was a fickle, endlessly wandering soul.  Or you read this and felt relieved that your vision quest has a hopeful and happy end, brimming with well-rounded experiences that shape you as a person.  Every time I think about “mistakes” I made, I think about what I could have missed if I didn’t take several leaps of faith.  I wouldn’t have met my husband, had my son, or become a librarian.  I would be living in another part of the world with different ideas and different priorities.

So I encourage MAKING MISTAKES.  It can be a VERY POWERFUL THING.  What do you accomplish from making mistakes?

LEARNING WHAT YOU DON’T WANT.  I had to accept that first-year scholarship to the University of San Francisco to learn that not every first-year college experience is going to turn out the way it is romanticized in pop culture or on Facebook.  I had to become a flight attendant to learn that for me, living life without a college degree did not feel natural and did not feel like God’s plan.

DEVELOPING RESILIENCY.  Eating chicken noodle soup and getting fired has always been “the best thing that ever happened to me.” Before that, I thought I was invincible.  I never imagined getting fired.  I quickly learned that you experience hardships and life isn’t perfect, no matter how much of a “good person” you think you are.  It is more important to bounce back and come back stronger.

ACKNOWLEDGING FAILURE AS A PART OF LIFE. Instead of feeling entitled to success and feeling like everything always had to go my way, I learned to embrace failure as a learning experience.  I loved the excitement of being thrown on a desert island, forced to think on my toes and find my way.  It felt good to think independently from my parents and figure out how to succeed in spite of ignoring their cautions.

BECOMING RELATABLE.  I didn’t have picture-perfect experiences.  I didn’t do everything “the right way.” In turn, it made me a more relatable person, since I took stupid leaps of faith and made rash decisions on a whim.  But after learning from them, I could share my experiences of digging myself out of holes and proudly reclaiming part of my bigger vision.

GROWING IN EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING.  One of my favorite things about helping others is reaching them in ways where they feel lost and alone.  With my experiences, I can offer support and guidance from an organic and genuine place.  I feel like a cheerleader and coach who has been in the trenches, not just planning attacks from behind protected marble walls.

GAINING EXPERIENCES.  I don’t know if I would have ever experienced 7 flights in one day if I hadn’t been a flight attendant.  I don’t know if I would have found that stellar sushi spot in the Richmond District of San Francisco.  I don’t know if I would have purchased my own car at nineteen.  I don’t know if I would have chosen to browse job openings on that Wednesday when I met my mother-in-law, who introduced me to incredible Lebanese food and her crazy, handsome son.  These experiences came from taking chances and looking for the good and the fun and the memorable.

ESTABLISHING CREDIBILITY TO TEACH OTHERS. As I mentioned in “growing in empathy and understanding,” my mistakes have solidified my “been there, done that.”  I can teach and speak with confidence about how certain experiences shaped me and are worth doing or worth avoiding.

MOVING CLOSER TOWARD YOUR VISION. Often, we don’t AUTOMATICALLY know what we want in life.  We don’t have clear-headed tunnel vision toward a specific target.  Our vision is messy and splits ten different ways.  But by trying new things I hoped I would like, I learned what I definitely DID NOT LIKE. I moved to San Francisco seven Augusts ago, excited to start my college career in the Hospitality industry, only to learn six months later that I would never be happy in that field.  By working for a furniture store, I learned that sales was not for me and I did not belong in that niche.  And through the trials and hardships with my husband, I learned that I did not care about a fancy résumé.  My priority was to be with someone who was kind to me, and God sent Shane to me.

I will always be thankful for the mistakes I made because they were opportunities for me to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

Please share your experiences with me, both similar and different! I would love to open up discussion for encouragement and uplifting.  Your story might inspire someone else who is going through the same thing you went through!

Does your COLLEGE DEGREE mean anything?

Whenever I read the “About Me” page on a blog, I always smile when I notice the energy of the author jumping off the screen, passionate about life and his or her interests and goals.  I want to catch the “bug” and I subscribe to their posts, eager to absorb their positivity.

But recently, I stumbled upon a blog whose author mentioned having a degree in theology, but feeling it was a pointless degree because she did not want to be a pastor.  This made me sad, wondering if perhaps she was experiencing something in life that devalued her achievements or if she was never guided to defend and boast of the skills she acquired in earning her degree.

Then I remembered a man I met on a flight to Atlanta a few years ago.  He told me that he earned his master’s degree in puppetry arts.  I was intrigued by such a narrow choice of expertise.  After talking to him throughout the flight, I learned that his love for puppeteering encouraged him to be the best puppeteer he could be, earning the highest level of education attainable.  Did others laugh at him and judge him? Undoubtedly.  However, he felt no shame in pursuing a lifelong goal and dream.

These experiences inspired me to think of all the hard-working undergraduate students, disheartened graduates, and fearful stay-at-home and work-at-home moms and dads who want to go to college.  When you are in college, you reach a point where most of your peers are on the same track as you, hoping to graduate with the same degree.  You are among “your own,” bright-eyed and bushy-tailed hopefuls who see light at the end of the tunnel.  But seldom do we prepare for the superficial and harsh preconceived notions about degrees that do not fall under the umbrella of “finance,” “business,” “accounting,” or any other “pragmatic” field.  Opinions are thrown at us from ignorant, however innocent people: “What are you going to do with a History degree?  Teach?” “Why do you need a master’s degree to become a librarian?  I thought they only shelved the books.  Aren’t libraries going to disappear soon because of the Internet?”

So to those college students who suddenly feel choked up about picking “the wrong major;” to graduates who have celebrated but now feel panicked in the “Now what do I do?” post-graduate-six-month period; and to the terrified stay-at-home and work-at-home moms and dads who want to go back to college or want to go to college for the first time but don’t know where to start, I say:

DO WHAT YOU LOVE.  The amount of pressure placed on college students to decide on their major is excruciatingly burdensome.  This weight comes from the dreaded “interrogation” at family reunions, over holidays, and on first dates.  Others define us by the path we take in college, sometimes forgetting that many people switch jobs, explore new careers, or choose to stay home after having children.  Therefore, it is better to find a major that interests you. For most people, spending 4-6 years in classes that you loathe is impossible. I started my college career in Hospitality, believing that one day, I would be happy working as a Hotel Manager at the Bellagio in Las Vegas.  After a few classes, I realized that I hated it.  Instead, I was drawn to my English and History classes.  I never wanted to miss one.  I wrote detailed notes, studied diligently, and sought relationships with my professors.  I learned that in life, I wanted my actions to define me: my kindness, my hard work, my positive attitude, and interest in learning and discovering.  So why would I make an exception with my degree?  I found it contradictory to live my life passionately, yet pursue a degree that bored me to tears.  I would do lots of things in life that I did not want to do: pay taxes, scrub the toilet, endure labor contractions, and stand in line at the DMV.  I did not want my college experience to be one of those things.

DON’T LET THE PRICE TAG SCARE YOU. I have met a lot of tenth-year college students who never graduated because college was “too expensive.”  I quickly learned that this was code for “I did not plan ahead,” “I missed the financial aid deadline,” “I was too lazy to apply for scholarships,” or “I would rather spend my waitressing money on going to Las Vegas this summer than on the Fall semester.”  These people dress up their excuses in a bane for student loans.  While I understand this need for freedom from debt, I also understand the shackles of minimum wage.  I think about disciplined students who save every penny and take one class at a time in order to accomplish their goals.  I think about the opportunities for loan forgiveness, like Teacher Loan Forgiveness, Public Service Loan Forgiveness, and Obama Student Loan Forgiveness.  People will take out auto loans on ever-depreciating vehicles and mortgages for homes they can hardly afford, but refuse to invest in their education because of its high ticket.  At some point, the bill comes to the table, and you either have the bills or the pennies.

YOU ACQUIRE MORE SKILLS THAN YOU MIGHT REALIZE. I smile when I speak with others about having a History Degree and a Master’s Degree in Library Science because it baffles them.  Why would I invest so much time, energy, and money into disciplines that are not booming with jobs?  I get a thrill from defending my choices because degrees of these natures required lots of critical thinking skills.  During my six years in college, I honed my professional writing, public speaking, and oral presentation skills.  I gained experience collaborating with others, both in person and online.  I assumed leadership positions in these groups as well as in extra-curricular activities and clubs.  By earning a degree, I proved that I could turn in assignments in a timely manner, complete tasks expected of me, think creatively, find balance between professional and social life, be organized, and be self-disciplined for several years.  At minimum, these are the skills acquired by college students. I failed to mention acquired grant writing skills (when applying for scholarships and financial aid), technological skills (using a computer and its various programs to type papers, create slideshow presentations, format spreadsheets, and use social media), understanding target audiences (professors, students, parents, friends, and other people I needed to please throughout college), and countless other skills.  The list goes on and on IF AND ONLY IF you feel confident to defend yourself.  If you believe that these skills were among many valuable treasures you took from your college experience, you can sell a puppetry arts degree to a potential employer and ice to an eskimo.  Attitude and perspective is CRUCIAL.

DON’T BE DISCOURAGED BY THE 4-YEAR GRADUATE. This past June, my brother graduated with his Bachelor’s Degree in Business Entrepreneurship.  He has been in and out of college since 2004.  Pride and joy filled my heart on his graduation day because he never gave up. “Taking a semester off” never meant quitting. Similarly, my college classmate earned his Bachelor’s Degree in 1986 and went back to school in 2012 to earn his Master’s Degree in Public Administration.  As the Director of Public Transportation at our university, he knew that other commitments to his family, his job, and his Church justified taking one class at a time.  These people amaze me because they model the tortoise in the “Tortoise and the Hare” fable.  Slow and steady DOES win the race if you don’t stop.

FIND MENTORS. I met many amazing, inspiring people in college who enriched my experience, either challenging me to be better or encouraging me to keep going.  Some people helped me avoid certain mistakes or find golden opportunities.  Never be afraid to ask for help or ask for advice.  I will never forget the day I asked a girl in my history class where I could find the bathroom, which quickly led to a conversation about Library and Information Science, changing my life forever.

I would be happy to offer more guidance and tips!  Leave a comment or send me an email (email found on my Work with Me page).  At very least, I hope I have encouraged you to remember that your degree, your goals, your ambition, and your ideas have worth.  They mean something.